FFVII: Palmer And His Coffee Crises, OH NO!
by Sonata-Time-Nocturne-Flare-Aoi
Summary: One-Shot Complete! In this installment, Palmer goes ballistic when someone knocks over his muchneeded cup of coffee. The citizens of Midgar will soon feel the fury of an angry fat guy. Rated T for language and violence.


**Story**: Palmer And His Coffee Crises, OH NO!  
**Author**: Master Jin Sonata  
**Written**: July 2007  
**Genre**: Humor  
**Rating**: T (Language and Violence)  
**Disclaimer**: I do not own Square, or its coffee driven characters.

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**One-Shot: Palmer And His Coffee Crises, OH NO!**

It was a bustling day out in the streets of Midgar.

Everyone was in the morning rush to get to work.

One person in particular decided to stop by a local coffee stand and grab him a hot cup of coffee before going to work

It was Palmer.

"**One Triple Bypass Caramel Latte with extra sugar and lard,"** Palmer said to Aeris, the owner of the coffee stand.

"**Coming right up!"** Aeris said, preparing his drink. When it was finished, Palmer paid for it with the last bit of change he had on him, and took his cup of coffee.

As he turned around, he suddenly trips and falls over Cait Sith, who was walking in Palmer's path. This caused Palmer to spill his cup of coffee all over the ground.

"**Hey! Watch where you're going!"** Cait Sith said, getting off the ground and shaking his paw at Palmer.

Palmer slowly tuned his head toward Cait Sith, fire and rage burning in his eyes. Cait Sith gulped when he saw Palmer's angry look on his face.

"**M-MY…C-C-COFFEE…N-NOW…G-GONE!!!!"** Palmer sputtered like an old machine.

"**Hey, chill out, mister, I'm sure I can replace your cup of…"** Cait Sith tried to say to Palmer, but was grabbed around the neck and nearly strangled to death.

After Palmer was done with him, he tossed away Cait Sith and stormed down the street in complete rage for getting his coffee spilled.

Palmer approached an intersection, and kept on stomping across the street, not paying attention to the crosswalk sign flashing: DON'T WALK.

This caused Barret, who was in his car, to slam on his breaks when Palmer crossed haphazardly in front of him at the crosswalk.

"**HEY! GET YOUR FATASS OUT OF THE ROAD!!!"** Barret yelled out to Palmer.

Palmer turned to Barret's car and slammed his fist onto the hood hard enough to flip the entire car over on its side with a loud crash.

Barret was hangout out of the now-wrecked car in a daze as Palmer left the scene to go relinquish his anger on someone else.

Palmer continued down the sidewalk in a huff. From behind, Yuffie was riding her bicycle delivering newspapers.

"**Lookout, mister!"** Yuffie yelled to Palmer, who was in her way of her paper rout.

Palmer responded by holding his chubby arms out, cloths-lining Yuffie, sending her flying off of her bike and landing in a nearby dumpster.

Palmer's tirade was not over yet.

Palmer continued down the city streets, face beet red from frustration, when he runs into Cid Highwind.

"**Hey, watch it you goddamn blimp!"** Cid said to Palmer as he took out a pack of cigarettes.

It wasn't long until Palmer shoved the box of cigarette down Cid's throat and left the area.

Palmer's rage continued for much of the morning, and it wasn't long before Palmer encountered Vincent, who was sitting at an outdoor café, reading a book. Vincent looked up and Palmer, who loomed over him with an exasperated look on his face.

"**What?"** Vincent said to Palmer.

Seconds later, Palmer left the café after taking Vincent's cape and tying it around his head in a tight knot.

"**What did I ever do to you?!"** Vincent yelled to Palmer.

Before he knew it, Palmer was back near the coffee stand where he started.

Aeris, who witnessed all of the events throughout the morning, offered Palmer another cup of coffee, free of charge.

After hearing this, Palmer finally calmed down as he took his replacement cup of coffee and smiled at Aeris.

"**Thank you, miss! Man, I can be pretty mean if I don't have my caffeine, eh?"** Palmer said, as he began to skip off toward his office, when he bumped into a couple as he turned a corner. Again, Palmer's cup of coffee flew out of his hands and landed on the ground, spilled all over.

Palmer looked up at the couple he ran into.

It was Cloud and Tifa.

You can imagine what happens at this point…

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**The End!**

**What do you think? Please review!**


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